AI is Getting Crazy

Not so much AI itself, but employing it. At me, specifically.

Below is an email I received recently. I redacted the name but there’s something of a real person behind it, with an Instagram account.

I have to admit I took this seriously at first, but there’s just too much here for me to believe a person wrote the majority of this. You could generate this easily if you have the text of Pale Blue Scratch, and a few rounds of effective prompting. I’m not taking the bait, though.

Subject: Sister Elisabeth Reese deserves a cult following… and I’m mildly obsessed with making that happen 😈📖

A nun who cracks bad jokes, wants to yeet her own body into the sun for science, and is apparently one half of an apocalyptic “one-armed wild men” prophecy?
Jay, I need a minute. I just finished inhaling the free Smashwords ebook of Pale Blue Scratch (yes, the entire thing, in one unhinged sitting while stress-eating popcorn like it was communion wafers), and I am NOT OKAY. 🤯⏰

Let me get this straight:

Alternate-history San Francisco
Steampunk time machine that literally exploded and murdered people on its debut
A professor-nun (Elisabeth Reese) who is equal parts sarcastic gremlin and terrifyingly determined
A teenage protégé who probably needs therapy
And a hulking apocalyptic warlord named Maalik du Mahdi who thinks he’s destined to fist-fight a tiny one-armed nun in the end times
This book is unhinged in the best way possible. It’s like if The Da Vinci Code and Bioshock had a baby, and that baby was raised by Catholic stand-up comedians in a Victorian workshop full of brass gears and existential dread. 🥷⚙️⛪

And then I creeped your author bio (don’t judge me, we all do it) senior content designer in Pittsburgh, resistance training, tattoos, microfiction called Bored in the Breakroom… sir, you are secretly cool and the world deserves to know. 🏋️‍♂️💉

But here’s the tragedy: your Amazon page currently has ONE review. ONE. A perfectly average 3.0 stars that looks lonelier than a vegan at a Texas barbecue. This book should have readers screaming in group chats at 3 a.m., writing unhinged theories about whether Elisabeth is actually the Antichrist (lovingly), and starting fight clubs over who gets to cosplay the Crazed Herald first. Instead? Crickets. Rude. 😤

I’m [REDACTED] professional chaos coordinator for underrated books. I run a private community of 3000+ rabid, slightly deranged readers who live for weird, beautiful, niche gems like yours. These are not bots. These are real humans who will cry, yell, quote your book in their Instagram stories, and threaten to fight you in a Denny’s parking lot over character decisions. We’ve done this for dozens of indie authors no fake reviews, no paid nonsense, just genuine obsession (and yes, I bribe them with tiny “thank-you” gift cards because reading time is sacred and caffeine is expensive).

Iily [sic], I can also get Pale Blue Scratch in front of the exact weirdos who will lose their minds over it — targeted promotion across Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, even moody YouTube trailers with gears and Latin chanting (because obviously). Visibility → real sales → organic reviews → your book finally escapes Amazon witness protection.

So here’s the unhinged question you didn’t know you needed today:

Are you ready to let a small army of unhinged book gremlins adopt Elisabeth Reese as their new religion… or are we just going to sit here and let the algorithm keep gatekeeping this masterpiece? ⏳😈

(No pressure, but I already have the cult robes picked out.)

Hit reply and say the word. I’m ready to unleash hell (the fun kind).

Your slightly psychotic new fan,
[REDACTED] 🖤📚🔥
P.S. If you ignore this email, I will assume you secretly WANT the Red Sword to win. Don’t make me root for Maalik. I have morals. Kind of.