Edit: I retitled this as “Part 7.5” because I had two Part 7 review posts. I can’t count.
2012
Total apocalypse p0rn to cash in on the 2012 Mayan calendar nothingburger. Totally implausible equality fingerwagging speech near the end; dude would’ve been tossed off of a glacial cliff if it happened in the real world.
3022
The premise is pretty good: the earth goes boom and some folks in a space station figure out what to do. They go a little loopy and act completely out of character, but I guess it’s acceptable when you’re the only of your species left, except for maybe those ones on Europa. Cut this in half and it would’ve made a better movie.
Sucker Punch
Zack Snyder directed this, so it feels like it should be a Frank Miller joint, but it’s not. Some decent over-the-top action scenes made believable when you know they’re a coping mechanism and not actually happening. There was talk of Snyder doing a remake of The Fountainhead. But it won’t go into development unless Trump wins a second term, because the approved hatred for government will be at an all time high; a Dem in office is going to make Hollywood feel sexy again. Why hasn’t anyone adapted the supreme Ayn Rand novel, Anthem? You’ll get the fashionable dystopia story and you won’t turn off the liberals and Communists in the audience, and there won’t be any speeches taking up half the runtime.
Altered Carbon: Resleeved
Decent futuristic crime infiltration story, but it’s Altered Carbon so you know it’s going to be as edgy and graphic as possible. Standard issue “Horny Minor Villain Gets Busted Up by the Female Badass Hottie” scene from a mile away.
Somali and the Forest Spirit
A golem becomes caretaker of a human girl in world ruled by monsters anthropomorphic animals. Some really good storytelling and world building despite the preachiness in a few episodes.
Fate/Zero
I watched this by accident, in the sense that I wasn’t aware of the obnoxious fandom involved with the Fate universe, and that the “Zero” series isn’t the first one you’re supposed to watch, and this is the series that had Saber in it. You know waifu culture is getting out hand when aspects start to em>invade the actual storytelling and the other, in-universe characters are acting like weebs towards the kinda-boring, Mary Sue-ish Saber.
Total Recall (1990)
Pulpy sci-fi with some pretty good practical effects mixed in with decent CGI. A superior Arnold movie because you weren’t sure if he was lying, crazy, or actually a double or triple agent, and you didn’t know if the ancient alien stuff would actually work or just be a dud. Contrast this with The Running Man, where you know he was telling the truth from the start, taking the mystery out of it.
Total Recall (2014)
Not a bad movie, but a shadow of the original. Where the Arnold version had some real injustice going on, the oppressed people here were just blue collar workers who didn’t seem to live terrible lives. They weren’t mutated freak humans living on Mars who eventually got their oxygen supply cut off. No Mars, no alien technology, and no Kuato, but the elevator that went through the center of the earth was pretty neat.
The Abyss
Alien, but underwater, and the alien(s) aren’t human-chewing killing machines. The depiction of a Navy Seal going berserk is outrageously unrealistic, but it’s not as bad as the depiction of the extra-terrestrials. The ending of the original cut was much better than the special edition which went downhill when the aliens judge humanity because of news broadcasts (lol). But they are somehow convinced to stay their apocalyptic hand by a lovey-dovey diving suit text message sent by a dying guy to his ex. You’re telling me these aliens, who have been monitoring mankind’s behavior over the centuries, didn’t come across something like at all? Wouldn’t they have assumed that sort of thing just happens, but they simply don’t see that kind of interpersonal communication? It’s like…use that superior intelligence to consider some possibilities before killing a whole bunch of people who have nothing to do with wars? Or why not target the few oligarchs who are directly responsible? Why are these idiot aliens swayed more by news broadcasts than human interest stories? James Cameron has some explaining to do.
Predator
Alien, but in the jungle. This was a great movie because it would be so offensive today, and because like Alien, it didn’t try to be something it wasn’t…and what it did do, it did very well. I first saw this in middle school, and I was totally rooting for Poncho to make it because I recognized Richard Chaves from the awesome War of the Worlds series from the late 1980’s. He got shot in the side of the head very unceremoniously.
Predators
Weird casting Adrian Brody as the main protag, because he’s a real actor doing an action film, but it kinda worked. Had a great in medias res opening scene.
The Predator
This got bad reviews because people assumed it was an action/sci-fi movie, not a comedy. If you view it as the latter, it makes much more sense. Depicting a hardcore biologist being competent with firearms (somehow), and letting a 10 year old autist work like an adult on the greatest military tech discovery in history—now that’s just insane no matter the genre.