Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Sort of Review, and How it Should Have Gone

Spoilers, etc.

Looks like I was wrong about Rey being a clone, but how it turned out is actually much more conducive to how I thought the film, and maybe the recent trilogy, should have gone.

The movie itself was…good. The pacing was unique, at least for Abrams. There were some scenes where it felt as though they were milking something ultimately inconsequential. Some of that dragging did help to lessen the urgency, which was a positive, since the entire movie was more or less a race between Kylo and the Rebellion to get to the Emperor on Exegol.

The two biggest remaining white males in the series were killed off, Emperor Palpatine and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo, so that’s cool. There was two women kissing, I guess. I wasn’t looking for it and didn’t see it. There were lots of lingering shots of Kylo Ren making odd faces; Adam Driver might be the best actor in the cast, but I didn’t quite like him in the role as much as I wanted to. Rey could’ve been interesting but she’s too goody-goody. I don’t think she’s a Mary Sue but there’s nothing compelling about her character other than her tragic past, and I got over that two movies previously.

Vice Admiral Holdo’s kamikaze suicide from the previous episode, The Last Jedi—the maneuver that obliterated an entire fleet and really threw the universe’s hyperdrive tech into doubt—was explained in Episode IX. Naval forces in the Star Wars universe would’ve undoubtedly tried to make this “hyperdrive bullet” millennia ago (hyperdrive tech was in use around 25k years or so prior). During the final rapid-fire, last-ditch battle plans, Finn mentioned that the destruction Holdo caused was “one in a million.” It was an offhand comment that could’ve been easily missed, but it was made nonetheless.

That Emperor Palpatine was Rey’s grandfather was the big reveal/plot twist. Okay. Given the Vader/Luke twist, it’s not terribly upsetting. Modern movies have this narrative element all the time now, but as previously mentioned, that fact provides very fertile ground as to a better overall narrative arc for the movie, plus for any films coming after, using the great Yuuzhan Vong storyline(s) from the “Legends” canon.

Palpatine was the only one who foresaw the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, so he conspired to create the Empire, as he did in the three prequel movies, to fight them effectively. This is an idea that some people have put forth, and it kinda makes Palpatine out to be more of a tragic-heroic figure more than just a power-hungry, overpowered bad guy, but it’s something that could be without having to dismiss the previous eight movies.

Check the proposed timeline:
Sometime before Episode 1:

• Chancellor Palpatine senses through the Force the Yuuzhan Vong invasion. He’s the only one who does, and creates the Empire to prepare for it. It would have to be explained why he kept quiet about the invasion all this time.
• He realizes only Dark Side powers are really effective against Yuuzhan Vong, with respect to hand-to-hand combat, and reforms the Sith to bolster power in that area, though mostly the battle would be fought navally.
• Palpatine thinks he may not live to command the Empire for the invasion, that Darth Plagueis’ resurrection technique will fail, and so works on finding someone to take his place to lead the defense against the invasion. Hence Anakin/Darth Vader and trying to fulfill the Chosen One prophecy, hence Luke, hence Snoke, hence Kylo Ren, etc. He just needs someone powerful enough to take his place, and he has to create all these sides and conflicts to figure out who’s the strongest.
• He also works siring some descendants to hopefully pass on his Force powers. This would have to be done in secret for some reason; to do this if you’re intending to run a hereditary empire, and there was evidence in the “Legends” canon that the ol’ guy had some concubines.

Between Episodes III and IV:

• Since Rey was born 15 ABY (after the Battle of Yavin, which was at the end of Episode IV), so his wife/concubine would’ve had to have given birth to Rey’s mom or dad at around the Battle of Yavin or before.

Episode VI and after:

• Vader kills Palpatine, Palpatine resurrects himself via his former master’s (Darth Plagueis) powers, Rey is born, all that stuff happens with her being abandoned on Jakku and her parents killed. These things are now canon as they were explained in Episode 9.

Episode IX:

• This is where it gets interesting. Palpatine’s whole scheme for the last few movies was to prepare Rey to take his throne. He couldn’t do it outright, because that would traumatize Rey too much, too early, to know he is her granddad, so he worked behind the scenes (again) to get her to Luke, and then to the Resistance, so she could train.
• Palpatine tries to convince Kylo Ren of his plans and have him join. Kylo puts up too much of a fight and Palpatine concludes it isn’t worth it, so he kills him.
• Rey is conflicted about killing Palpatine after he explains his plan: that she’s supposed to take his place as leader of the Last Order (the Empire, basically), and fight the incoming Yuuzhan Vong. She wants to kill him because he’s literally the galaxy’s biggest dick, but he’s her only living family and he had to create the Empire to save the entire galaxy from invasion. Big emotions ensue.
• Palpatine says she has to kill him to complete her training—echoes of Return of the Jedi here. He needs to be sure she is powerful enough, and defeating him would prove that.
• Rey kills Palpatine, maybe some Dark Jedi thing where she gains his powers, and gains control of the Empire. The last scene, where Rey originally told the old woman on Tatooine that her name is “Rey Skywalker” (eyeroll), she instead says “Rey Palpatine.”
• The movie ends with an appearance by the Yuuzhan Vong, as a foreshadowing of a future trilogy, and to show the Emperor wasn’t mistaken or lying.
• Movie is renamed “Star Wars, Episode IX: The Rise of Palpatine,” because it refers to the Emperor making his resurrected presence known, but also underhandedly refers Rey’s ascendance to power as his replacement at the conclusion.