EDIT for all the people finding this post: I didn’t write the quoted text myself. It’s found at the page linked below, on the 16personalities.com site. I specifically picked the negative section because lots of personality quizzes give glowing praise as results, and the 16personalities site is one of the only ones I found that explicitly pointed out weaknesses in each personality type. Don’t take yourselves too seriously, folks. Life is short and we’re not saving lives here. END EDIT
No one can be accurately fit into one of sixteen personality types, but whenever I take a Myers-Briggs assessment now and then I usually get INTJ, strong on the I and J. Instead of titling this post with words that give the type a positive slant, I think it’s more precise (and fun) to label and describe INTJs as most people who aren’t INTJs would assess it—externally, in others. Because, honestly, interacting with humanity can pretty taxing, but that may be my I talking.
Arrogant – INTJs are perfectly capable of carrying their confidence too far, falsely believing that they’ve resolved all the pertinent issues of a matter and closing themselves off to the opinions of those they believe to be intellectually inferior. Combined with their irreverence for social conventions, INTJs can be brutally insensitive in making their opinions of others all too clear.
Judgmental – INTJs tend to have complete confidence in their thought process, because rational arguments are almost by definition correct – at least in theory. In practice, emotional considerations and history are hugely influential, and a weak point for INTJs is that they brand these factors and those who embrace them as illogical, dismissing them and considering their proponents to be stuck in some baser mode of thought, making it all but impossible to be heard.
Overly analytical – A recurring theme with INTJs is their analytical prowess, but this strength can fall painfully short where logic doesn’t rule – such as with human relationships. When their critical minds and sometimes neurotic level of perfectionism (often the case with Turbulent INTJs) are applied to other people, all but the steadiest of friends will likely need to make some distance, too often permanently.
Loathe highly structured environments – Blindly following precedents and rules without understanding them is distasteful to INTJs, and they disdain even more authority figures who blindly uphold those laws and rules without understanding their intent. Anyone who prefers the status quo for its own sake, or who values stability and safety over self-determination, is likely to clash with INTJ personality types. Whether it’s the law of the land or simple social convention, this aversion applies equally, often making life more difficult than it needs to be.
Clueless in romance – This antipathy to rules and tendency to over-analyze and be judgmental, even arrogant, all adds up to a personality type that is often clueless in dating. Having a new relationship last long enough for INTJs to apply the full force of their analysis on their potential partner’s thought processes and behaviors can be challenging. Trying harder in the ways that INTJs know best can only make things worse, and it’s unfortunately common for them to simply give up the search. Ironically, this is when they’re at their best, and most likely to attract a partner.
35 Comments
I test as an INTJ, and my husband would say all that’s true about me. Personality typing carries the same potential problem that medical diagnoses do; that is, instead of working to grow and become healthy, we identify with our disease and remain stuck in a sick rut. Ego is like a disease that can overwhelm us if we’re not careful. The only reason I like these tests at all is for self-awareness and recognizing bad patterns of behavior.
But I don’t need to improve. =(
Actually, I need to improve on remembering to put photos of Ron Swanson on blog posts when I need to.
Yes, but it can also be an eye-opener. If people say you have these tendencies, then it is possible for you to be mindful of the root causes. The great thing about being an INTJ or just a person that shares many of these qualities is our innate introspective prowess! If we want to be the master of our own phycology, there is nothing that can stop us. Be empowered by the positive side of being so smart and work towards being more emotionally intelligent. Cheers!
P.S.
Psilocybin and cannabis can definitely expedite the process XD.
oh I just did the typical INTJ assumption…..I apologize; you may ignore my comment, for you clearly are quite aware of my point.
Most of these INTJ are narcissists and have forums where they congregate and talk about how special,different,unique they are. All signs of douchebag narcissism.
Read Sam Vankins book Malignant Self Love.
“Most of these INTJ are narcissists”
I’m not so sure about that, though I don’t doubt some INTJ qualify as such. Introversion is not narcissism, it’s something different altogether, and I would think extroverts are more susceptible to narcissism than introverts.
I don’t believe empathy is affected by the sway of intro/extroversion of a person. However, an extrovert has a harder time becoming more empathetic if he has problems in the area to begin with.
Covert narcissism. It just looks different.
What INTJ hurt you girl?
People of the INTJ, or even of any analyst personality type, are always looking for people who they find worthy of their time. Obviously INTJs will most likely share common values, traits, and views on things with other INTJs. Just because they are selective and decisive about who they hangout with or talk to, sometimes resulting in them congregating together and enjoying one another’s company online (or in-person), doesn’t make them douchebag narcissists who think they’re way more special and intelligent than everyone else. These characteristics aren’t limited to INTJs either…
Yo, be is smart live life yolo.
Uh-huh…go on…
*scribbles notes furiously*
I don’t agree.
I know people that tested as INTJ . I dated a Narcissistic female and can tell you these are two completely different type of people. Many people you meet might be emotionally unavailable to you . However if a Narcissist takes an interest in you they are initially the opposite at least to the outside and they do have an initial intense desire to be with you/ have a fondness of you.
I think INTJ’s are generally not charming enough to fit the Narcissistic PD./ Sociopath profile.
They would not bother spending a great part of their day trying to feed of peoples reactions to an issue! Quit the opposite .. they will too often to their own detriment ignore peoples feeling . This can upset others and maybe this is where your frustration comes from. They can be insensitive / be an intellectual snob.
If they do sense someone is upset they will analyse the feedback without taking into account enough of the non verbal communication.
They will not try to read peoples mind’s /manipulate other’s mind to either get admiration or angry reactions out of them and feed of that. INTJ are independent . Narcissists are almost on the complete opposite they need people constantly to admire them to feed of them.
INTJ’s are also not uncalculated risk takers/ substance abusers.
ENTJ can fit more a certain type of narcissist tendencies on some scales the ego-centric one, but again this does make N personality disorder.
Narcissism is widely misunderstood. One has to acknowledge COVERT vs OVERT. INTJ’s, being introverted…I believe lean more in the covert, cerebral end of narcissism, rather than the OVERT, somatic…which is what most people think narcissism is, not realizing it is actually a scale and introverts can absolutely be narcissists.
That said, I think it would be ignorant to assume ALL INTJ’s are narcissists….but I definitely believe the MAJORITY are. Basically if covert narcissists were tested for personality types, I believe the majority would get INTJ for a result.
I’ve just come out of a nine year relationship with one whom I learned was an INTJ (to my INFJ, big surprise there) and I thought that was going to help me fix our communication, only to find out a year later that he’s not just INTJ, he’s actually a covert narcissist and I’ve been wasting my time and essentially encouraging his emotional abuse by being so very understanding about it and trying to fit the abusive patterns into the INTJ personality type so that I could understand and hopefully communicate to him in a manner he found intelligent enough to listen to. Of course, this failed because he really wasn’t just cold on the surface as healthy INTJ’s tend to say…we only seem cold…he really was cold. This led to my understanding you can reason with a healthy INTJ, you can’t reason with an INTJ narcissist!
You’ve hit the nail on the head here. Covert narcissists can be harder to spot because they are not loud and boastful. Coverts are more lethal as they are harder to detect.
I agree 100% with everything you said.
I’m an INFJ with a covert narcissist dad (who tested as an INTJ, no surprise). I assumed for the longest time that because he’s an introvert, he just appears cold, when deep down he must really care. Only recently have I been able to see that, like you said “he really wasn’t just cold on the surface as healthy INTJ’s tend to say…we only seem cold…he really was cold.” Everything is pure logic and reason to him. Emotions mean nothing. That along with his covert narcissism has severely hurt his marriage and our family.
So thanks for what you said, I’m glad I’m not the only one. Sometimes I feel guilty for thinking he’s a covert narcissist. I too often slip back into my understanding mode, only to be hurt again when I realize just how arrogant and cold he is.
I’ve been through something similar with a friend of mine, whose personality is just like mine (INTJ). Except she was extremely toxic, as I tried to be constantly understanding of her. In the past few months, I came to realize that she probably has covert narcissism. Sometimes I feel guilty for thinking of her this way, but then I remember all of the mentally abusive things she has put me through.
Wow. This is exactly what I’m going through with my soon to be INTJ, and I am an INFJ. 😔
*soon to be ex
Im in a 3+ yr marriage with an INTJ/NPD. I know exactly where ur coming from. I too have done much reading over the years on each and have tried to differentiate the different characteristic traits into either INTJ or NPD so I could pick my battles. Its exhausting. I feel ridiculous to think that Im putting myself through this much trouble just to avoid the aftermath of emotional turmoil that follows leaving an NPD. Theres really no easy way to remedy it. What chaos the world has evolved into and from where, why, & how? Im an ENTJ by the way. So both INTJ & NPD’s r quite challenging for me to deal with on any basis. H.D. Tudor presents the most understanding perspective of an NPD’s mind for us ordinary ppl to understand and wrap ur brain around.
Here’s a bunch of graphs, some more applicable than others, that “introverts will totally understand.”
I’m not sure wishing another plague is related to introversion. That’s misanthropy.
http://www.pleated-jeans.com/2015/08/18/16-graphs-that-introverts-will-totally-understand/
I found this post rather peculiar.. I found out this year I have Autism.. I have what used to be know as Asperger syndrome. I took the myers briggs out of curiosity and i am a very solid INTJ. All my marks were heavy like 25-1 etc. So what I have to ask is why would people see us as sociopaths and or narcissists. The one thing I can not stand is the guy in the room who does nothing, but draw attention and brag. What I mean is “Look how amazing I am look what I did etc” where most people seem to assume that I am this guy because I say statements like ” yea they said my IQ was 120, or I’m bad to mention facts to people that I’ve learned out of curiosity reading and felt it was related to the conversation. What about factual statements and gloating can people not tell the difference between? Is it just me or do other INTJ’s experience this too ?
Yeah my friend commented once to me to stop bragging myself to look cool. I never bragging anything, I just gave them the command to do A, B, C, so everything will be good (I’m the class leader at the time). I think it’s just the person is envying me. My classmates rarely initiates conversation with me or wanted to be in group with me because they think I don’t need anybody because I can do everything by myself. I agreed with you, many people especially ESFPs and ISFPs are way more narcissistic than the INTJ. I’m a healthy INTJ with 139-140 IQ, and a Christian so I WILL NOT EXPLOIT OTHERS for my own gains (even though when I was in elementary and middle school, I’m REALLY LOW ON EMPATHY that I did manipulation to ensure my victory as the whole 1st rank grabber in all the years). When I think back of what I did in the past, I’m really feel guilty by exploiting others like I’m strategizing their downfall–I’m taking them to have fun, I’m borrowing their books, I will take them to have conversations for too long so they will not going to study and I will grab the highest score on all tests).
Im in a 3+ yr marriage with an INTJ/NPD. I know exactly where ur coming from. I too have done much reading over the years on each and have tried to differentiate the different characteristic traits into either INTJ or NPD so I could pick my battles. Its exhausting. I feel ridiculous to think that Im putting myself through this much trouble just to avoid the aftermath of emotional turmoil that follows leaving an NPD. Theres really no easy way to remedy it. What chaos the world has evolved into and from where, why, & how? Im an ENTJ by the way. So both INTJ & NPD’s r quite challenging for me to deal with on any basis. H.D. Tudor presents the most understanding perspective of an NPD’s mind for us ordinary ppl to understand and wrap ur brain around.
Correction: ENFP
I am a covert narcissist according to tests in the internet. Well, not a streotypical INTJ without any feeling. I have feeling. I am going to help someone if that one is somewhat WORTH to be helped. I am not that evil. My best friend is an ENFP and we never have any problem, he knows I am an INTJ and he knows clearly that I am a narcissist (I think everyone will know that I am a narcissist by the way I am talking : “It’s all about me”). We discuss about philosophy, social matters, people, principles, morales, and some kind of those. I love discussing such topics rather than talking aboutmy problems or achievements. I watch anime, I wish to have a happy family, I love to have few friends but understand me well. I think i care about people that worth my care. I have sympathy to those whose hardwork goes in vain. And I am totally interested to help someone who seems to be lonely, it reminds me my past (I am not lonely now, since I know I do not need to be friend with those who don’t want to be my friend). I think you internet users are just stuck to streotypical covert narcissist.
Wow Kevin, I feel this way too. Many people in my life have called me a Narcissist and I have had that personality test done and am the INTJ. I’m not proud to be this way. I hate that there is some label for it, the stigma and prejudicism against it. I can understand that there are victims in this and that narcissists can be very very hurtful and damanging, without much remorse, but some of the things I read about make it seem like we do not deserve to be loved because we are this way. I am very bright academically, rather emotionally and socially imcompetent lol, very successful in reaching my goals and so I have spent quite a bit of time trying to reaseach this topic trying to determine if this is really who I am. In part because I think a part of me is in denial and wishes that it were not true and in another part because I’d like to know what makes me this way (apart from C-PTSD that I have).
As for empathy, I find empathy is most easily felt when its something you’ve already experienced, otherwise its hard to put yourself in their shoes. Also, I agree with the empathy perhaps being for those you feel are WORTH it? And I think the WORTH of a person must be somehow imprinted in our mind and I do not know where that comes from. I know for my self that I have very high expectations that apparently few people feel they meet. I love great people that I can look up to and struggle to have respect for those that I suppose look down at (sounds really awful). I get this feeling that they are simply not trying hard enough. I wonder if intelligence is linked to Narcissim as well, or if Narcissists are more likely to be goal oriented people or success-driven. I am a teacher, not the best as knowing the teaching material and putting teaching into practice are two different things but I strive to be the best I can be. I do not feel like a narcissist at all among the other teachers, if anything I admire them and look up to them to be better at what I do. Yet I know outside of work, I easily judge people who havent met my expectations and it’s hard for me to understand the ”who are you to decide or determine such criteria”.
I know that I truly want everyone to reach their full potential. I also know that my evaluation of what their full potential is, is a little off as my expectations can be too high. I find being a teacher to help me learn and accept that we are all made differently. Still, its really hard for me to understand people who lack motivation or will to strive for excellence. Its hard for me to understand people feeling they ”can’t” because I always feel that if you just try harder you can, just need the right ressources and plan to get there. Then I get the ”well its easy for you to say, put yourself in my shoes” and I can’t. I don’t know why.
My recently ex-boyfriend :o( once told me during a discussion that how far a person gets in life may have to do with satisfaction. Some people are perfectly satisfied with less while others its never enough, they’re never completely satisfied and need to conquer the next challenge or goal. That satisfaction motivates you. I think we, narcissists, look down on people who haven’t attained excellence because we simply cannot relate or understand how they are satisfied and happy with where they are at. Logically one could understand that we can’t all be teachers, nurses and lawyers, what could we do during the day to get our coffee, gas and groceries while students can fill all those jobs. Logically, yes makes sense that we need different people that fill all jobs to make our world go round, still, I cannot relate to a person who feels perfectly satisfied making coffee or working at a store. I’ll always question why they don’t want more for themselves. AND AGAIN, who am I to evaluate what they are doing and should be doing. Still… I think after satisfaction, acceptance must be another key work. Perhaps others are simply better at accepting things as they are or have few expectations.
You know, so many bad things are said about narcissits. If anything its really sad for narcissists to always feel sorta empty. Its like a sieve, theres a hole that as fast we are being filled we are being emptied. The poorest of people can be the happiest yet the richest of people struggle to find the secret to happiness. You research it and happiness is not success, it’s relationships you have with the people you love. Something is messed up where you feel too happy with success and not fulfilled enough with your relationships. I know for myself when my students succeed or like when my sister got a new job with huge pay increase, I got a huge high from it. I was genuinely sooooooo happy for her. But on the flip side, when a student cheats or plagirises or when my sister chose not breastfeed, I felt tremendous shame and disappointment. Perhaps maybe its the narcissists thing of it being some kind of reflection of your own success highs and failure lows, maybe something deeply rooted from childhood in combination with a given personality type or trait that makes them more predisposed to becoming narcissistic. I try to pinpoint in my development as a person where I became so intolerant and the way that I am.
On another note, I’ve read about the love bombing, whether it be with a love interest or a family member, I don’t think we do this intentionally. I do see that I do it but its intense desire or feeling inside and I am not so sure if it really is linked to admiration, perhaps approval or attention. I wonder if neglect as a child has anything to do with this. I know that for myself I admire my recent ex very much because he has so many qualities that I wish I had. I also know that when he makes choices that I wouldnt make its hard for me to accept and I feel a great deal of disapproval and shame, as if it is a reflection on myself and that I feel I will be judged by others for choosing him. My brother has told me that the judging is all in my head and that most people simply don’t care too much about all your bad choices because they know they have their own bad choices. I don’t know why I am this way but I know that I do very very much love my boyfriend and miss him dearly. I love very very few people unconditionnally and even though I have put conditions on loving him especially when he does something I disapprove, something keeps me coming back to him and realising that they were just mistakes and I need to realise that he is a person and is not perfect, and not expect to be.
Oh my goodness, just writing this out I realised that this is how my mom treated me. So makes sense. Hugely proud of me when I got 100% on a test, if I got 98%, what did I do wrong to have not earned the other 2% and then of course when I made mistakes, she was so ashamed of me like she didnt even want to know me. Oh my goodness, seriously not trying to just place blame, but I think that must be where it stems from. I don’t remember being the way that I am in grade one or two or three.
If anyone is reading this, and you know a family member or partner who is a narcissist, believe than deep down they wish they were not that way and wish they could get passed some of their thought processes. I don’t know why we are like this, we just want to be loved like everyone else.
I’m curious if EDMR therapy can help correct this; something I am currently interested in exploring due to the C-PTSD.
I find it amusing that INTJs are being accused of narcissism in this rather old thread. Of course, there are different types of narcissistic behavioral patterns. That’s because all human beings are narcissists to one degree or another, and their narcissism is going to reflect their personalities. I could map the “[numeric] signs of NPD” each to a different personality type–probably on the Enneagram, as that personality system went out of its way to demonstrate what happens when each type becomes unhealthy in their ego fixation. Obviously, most people aren’t at the diagnosable level of narcissism. They are just humans with self interest and self love. For people who are operating at their best, empathy toward others balances out self interest and self love. Those are people who have taken the Golden Rule to heart. And to the converse, for the poster above, I have an INTJ friend who recently broke up with her ENFP boyfriend because of his constant overt narcissism that caused her all manner of emotional turmoil.
Very intersting article about INTJ.I got a clear idea about INTJ peoples. All INTJ peoples are friendly peoples and mastermind peoples
I find
Did you find the rest of your comment?
So I started writing a huge reply to this and I realized it was all about me, which makes sense, I’m INTJ (female, even). We’re pretty inside our minds.
I think the most important bit of the reply was this: If you are using sociopath and psychopath interchangeably, I’ll buy that INTJs are susceptible to sociopathy. if you’re not (there are those who do attempt to draw a distinction), I think I’d have more in common with a psychopath than a sociopath, though I’m sure I can pick out pieces and parts of both that would be fitting… should I ever decide to go on a murderous rampage… which isn’t likely to happen… ever. 🙂
INTJ’s are not inherently narcissistic, but they have a strong predisposition towards egocentricity. There is a difference. It’s predominantly observable in “unhealthy” and/or “turbulent” INTJ’s. Strong Fi fueled by their Te… it comes out as just, really, abhorrent small mindedness. They cannot detach themselves from subjective schemas. Again, it is not all INTJs.
INTJ’s love to point out how they value open discussion and gleaning new information on different perspectives, and they do- convince them of a better argument (With facts. Lots and lots of hard facts.) and they will eventually concede- BUT, the egocentric INTJ is somehow frequently locked into a holding pattern where they cannot separate their subjective viewpoints from objective reality.
It’s that Fi and Te running rampant. They seem to develop into egotistical states after years of social issues. INTJ’s are usually highly introverted, but the unhealthy ones start to rationalize their egocentric behavior- and they can get away with it- because most of them have removed themselves from society to such a degree (“I’m a lone wolf it’s just my nature.” – “People just don’t like me because I tell the truth and don’t sugarcoat it.” – “I’m just different (read: unique) and intellectually gifted with my analytical predisposition, no one can understand me.”) There is of course some truth to these statements, but they are also rationalizations for behavior that is rejected by society. It is rejected by society because it is often offensive or abrasive. Social tact is not frivolous and empathy is highly valued in group dynamics. INTJ’s (predominantly the immature/unbalanced/unhealthy) have poor diplomacy and difficulty employing empathy.
People don’t like these INTJ’s because they are emotionally immature, stubborn, insensitive, conceited, arrogant, self absorbed, and egotistical…
However, being an unhealthy INTJ who has fallen into egocentrism and justified these behaviorisms for years while simultaneously over-analyzing themselves to the point of delusion- would indeed make a great candidate for developing narcissism.
Anyway, all Fi users are going to come off more selfish. It just so happens that INTJ functions have a complex dynamic that can easily lead to them getting trapped inside their own minds where they float away from objective reality on an ever lengthening tether.
Take it with a grain of salt. I’m an INFJ who hasn’t slept in two days and might not be making any sense at all.
Agreed. As a healthy Christian INTJ here, I don’t think myself as a Narcissist. My family called me ignorant of other people’s feelings, egotistic, cold, heartless, and not caring. But never called me as Narcissist, even though sometimes my mom said I’m a bit manipulative and can master lying, but never in bad ways. Never called as close-minded, as I’m very much open-minded to another person’s knowledge. But yes, extremely stubborn, selfish, and can’t be advised. I’m trying to be better though (I hugged my mom sometimes, I’m expressing thank yous and sorries even on the littlest debt, I listened when my family complained that I need to change A, B, C –even if sometimes I did sometimes I ignored it –at least I’m trying. I’m considering it, always hearing what other people said to me even Sensors, and always try to humble myself even with this 139 IQ. I’m learning to soften my words and tones, make it more emotional invested. I will try to look into the person when they are talking instead dismissing them. Stopped too much smirking, and looking down on others. Give more attention to my empathy and try to look into another person’s perspective instead, stopped thinking that everyone is dirty and peasants, etc). Every INTJs had their own differences based on this thread alone. So better find healthy INTJs, instead of the toxic one, because most INTJs I find on internet are toxic indeed.
Many here are speaking of the dictionary definition of narcissist and the clinical definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder as if they are the same. They are quite different. The dictionary definition is: a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. NPD however, describes something far more dangerous and nefarious: a person who does not have a conscience and thinks nothing of using, harming and abusing people, physically, sexually, mentally, even to the point of murder. That makes a big difference in this conversation.
Yeah, your words actually makes me as INTJ feel better because I found myself not an NPD clearly. But IDK why my tests refer me to had 17 over 40 Narcissist tendencies (the lowest amount that I can put), and the highest I can agreed, had 28 on it, and that makes me a very probable Narcissist if not that I have higher moral standard. But I don’t really like manipulating others, as INTJ that is also a Christian. Maybe if the INTJ had religion, the person will had better empathy and moral understanding.
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